wanderlust

wanderlust |ˈwändərˌləst|

noun

a strong desire to travel: a man consumed by wanderlust.

         First of all, shout out to United Airlines.  After flying Southwest and American Airlines every month for the past year, I feel like I upgraded from the Flintstone mobile to a Rolls Royce.  Comfy seats? Adequate legroom? Personal monitors? Check. Check. Check.  Fly the friendly skies indeed.  Give me a High Life and a hot dog and my vacation is complete at 35,000 feet. 

            Speaking of personal monitors and air travel, though, I’ve been watching a trailer on loop for that Ben Stiller masterpiece The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  I’ll ignore the irony of making a 100 million dollar[i] movie about a man’s “secret” life (not so secret now, eh Walter?), and I’ll concentrate on what I’ve gleaned to be the central conceit of the film, at least based on the trailer.  Basically, Mr. Mitty hates his boring life.  He never does anything out of the ordinary, and lacks the courage to do anything exceptional, including simply asking a woman out for a cocktail.  However, some sort of hallucination man waving to him in a poster just unleashes his imagination.  Soon he is scaling Alpine peaks, leaping from helicopters into turbulent seas, battling a shark with a briefcase, and playing soccer with underage children in a third-world county. 

            Set this montage to “Viva La Vida” or some Explosions in the Sky, and even I will feel a stirring down in my soul.  A feeling that I should get off my keister and go out and experience life: scream into the Grand Canyon, learn to play the sitar on some beautiful rug in India, tug the tail of the tiger, ask that vexing vixen out on date.  You know the deal; Go. Do.[ii] Heck, even the movie poster for Mitty is ol’ Ben sitting crosslegged on wing of an airplane at 35,000 feet.  The message is clear – Get out there! Travel! Don’t be scared to see and do things you wouldn’t otherwise! Life is short! It’s not the number of breaths you take but the breaths that take your life away yada yada…

            What’s the deal with wanderlust?  Why do we have such an innate desire to travel?  The simple answer is to see new things.  After all, it is no secret that the human eye craves novelty.  The somewhat deeper answer is that we are tired of our daily routine.[iii]  Both are true to a certain (and certainly large) extent. 

Many people are not happy with their lives.[iv] Many people want to see spectacular things.  In the age of twitter and twenty-four hour news coverage, many people suffer from information overload.  I’m supposed to feel more connected.  This morning, I listened to Mike and Mike on ESPN radio and heard them discuss the officiating in last night’s Clippers-Thunder game.  I switched stations and listened to Memphis radio dynamos Drake and Zeke discuss racist comments made at a school board meeting.  I got on twitter and saw a map of what North American will look like if the sea level rises ten feet.  I read a review by the Economist of Godzilla that said it was terrible and was so bummed out that I went to Flixster and watched all the trailers again because I want to see it at midnight (the 85% guaranteed fresh on Rotten Tomatoes reassures me).  I saw a picture of the new largest outdoor chandelier (how soon until the next largest outdoor chandelier?)  Just today, I’ve read about the wildfires in Southern California, why a female editor of the New York Times has was possibly fired for asking for equal pay, and what Dolly Parton thinks about a too-much-naked Miley Cyrus spitting water on her audience members. 

            Right now, in May of 2014, citizens of Earth are more connected than they have ever been.  That castle on a mountaintop in Germany is closer than ever before.  Those hot springs in Iceland are as inviting as ever.  That cruise you have been dreaming of is only a click away.[v] It doesn’t take much to climb out on that wing, find your inner Ghandi, and see the world like Mr. Mitty.  I think this is a good thing.[vi]  The best part of watching Mr. Mitty doing all of these things in this trailer is that (if you have the means) all of it is possible.  YOU can destroy your Jos. A. Bank suit by wearing it while diving into the ocean saltwater because you really don’t care.  YOU can tap your inner Pele, turn around someone not wearing cleats, and assist in the game-winning goal as the sun sets majestically in the background.  YOU can do what Quint could only do once, and get the better of the shark.  YOU can get all inspired and write your Leaves of Grass.

            Listen, I just looked to my right out of a very small airplane window and saw a jet in the distance zooming in the opposite direction.  I can still see the contrails against the setting sun, and as I type this, I feel like it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.[vii]  Since I started this post, the stewardesses have passed out their beverages, the baby in the back has screamed itself to sleep, and woman in front of me has reclined her seat enough to make me regret typing the first paragraph.[viii]  I’ve still got an hour to go before I land.  One of the first things I’ll do when I land is check my twitter.  Why? Because I want to feel connected.  Maybe I should learn a lesson from this endlessly looping Walter Mitty, and climb out on the wing to my left.  Not because I need to escape[ix] and not because my life is dull, but because I’d rather feel connected through personal experience.  I think in the future, a lot more value will be placed on seeing something firsthand, rather than seeing it on some glowing rectangular screen.

           

             

---

[i] This is terrible, because I’ve taught language arts for three years, but how the heck to you write “100 million dollar”? Is it “100,000,000 dollar” or “$100,000,000” or “$100 million” or even “$100 million dollar”? I guess this is something I should know if I’m going to be keeping a blog. 

[ii] You're GD Right I just used a colon and semicolon correctly in consecutive sentences.  Like I said, language arts teacher for three years. 

[iii] Personally, I love feeling like an astronaut eating some vital, nutrient laden paste every morning when I enjoy my greek yogurt, but I realize I’m probably the exception. 

[iv] Not me. (Am I overdoing it with the footnotes? Sorry. Wait. A note within a footnote? Inception Footnote!). 

[v] I, for one, am inclined to avoid the Carnival Cruise Caribbean sh**-shower, but that’s just like, my opinion, man.   

[vi] The man sitting next to me is apparently happy giggling to himself while watching We’re the Millers  on his iPad.

[vii] HOLYSMOKES Not making that up that was awesome!!!!!

[viii] What is it about air travel that makes 75% of people on board the plane fall asleep within fifteen minutes? Finally, someone else is in charge of my well-being. Take me to Houston. No, I don’t need a beverage.  You’re charging for mini-pretzels? My life is too stressful – let me escape for a little in this locked and upright position.    

[ix] I don’t know where else to include this, but the woman in the seat in front of me rocks back and forth more than Flipper.  Jeez. I’m getting crushed repeatedly.  C’mon!

If Transformers was a good movie, it would be called The Avengers

One of the perks of being a teacher (along with three months off in the summer) is getting to go on field trips.  Friday morning I had the opportunity to accompany nearly 900 middle schoolers to a private screening of "The Avengers." Amidst the hushing of children and the throwing of popcorn, I was able to take in all the slow-motion, out-of-focus-into-focus, 100 mph action and bantering dialogue.  As I graciously accepted my thanks during the credits (that's right, I fell into the category of "residents of Cleveland, Ohio and Cuyahoga County" at the time of filming), I couldn't help but feel that I had seen this movie before.  

Later, as I was thinking about ways of creating and implementing sustainable, clean energy (alright, alright, I was actually watching How I Met Your Mother because I can't get enough Cobie Smulders), it hit me:  The Avengers is a remake of Michael Bay's 2007 movie Transformers.  Let's spell it out. 

In both movies: 

1. A small, cube-shaped, unlimited-self-sustaining energy source drives the conflict in both movies. 

Transformers:  Allspark 

Avengers:  Tesseract

2. An eccentric character is in charge and hides all of this from the public. 

Transformers: John Turturro's Agent Simmons

Avengers: Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury

3. An evil, hate-filled alien desires to conquer the human race for no apparent reason. 

Transformers: Megatron

Avengers: Loki

4. A loving, invincible-in-battle alien loves the human race for no apparent reason. 

Transformers: Optimus Prime

Avengers: Thor

5. A brunette with no purpose in the movie is provided for eye candy. 

Transformers: Megan Fox

Avengers: Colbie Smulders

6. It takes about an 90 minutes for all of the good guys to come together. 

(self-explanatory) 

7. All of the bad guys show up with about 20 minutes left in the movie. 

(panned in Transformers, but loved in Avengers, mostly due to Loki's excellent and incessant talking/stalling)

8. The coolest scene is a character changing from one thing to another. 

Transformers: Prime's first appearance. 

Avengers: Banner willingly, instantly, painlessly becoming the Hulk. 

9. The climactic battle scene takes place in a major city. 

Transformers: Los Angeles 

Avengers: New York (Chester Avenue) 

10. The unlimited, self-sustaining energy source is destroyed by using the bad guy's weapon.

Transformers: Megatron absorbs the energy. 

Avengers: Loki's "glow stick of destiny"

11. Normal humans are incapable of doing anything remotely related to protecting themselves. 

(Although 8/10 guys are thinking, "I would have fought if I was there!") 

12. The good guys disband and try to lead normal lives, but are ready to come together again when they are needed. 

(Kind of a cop-out because the Transformers are stuck here on Earth.)

13. At the end of the movie, a bigger, badder alien is super-pissed that the human race was not conquered. 

Transformers: The Fallen

Avengers: Creepy red dude whose name I don't know because I don't read comics that often. 

If they are so similar, however, why is it that Avengers is setting records at the box office (445 million in three days internationally) and Transformers is only remembered as one of Bernie Mac's greatest performances (Uncle Bobby B!)...at least in my book? 

The answer (aside from the fact that Avengers has better writing, an incredible cast, and Michael Bay is a terrible director) is simple: everyone wants to be a superhero and no one wants to be a Transformer. 

Now, I admittedly don’t know that much about being an Autobot.  I would assume that it would be fun to have the ability to turn into any machine and possess supercharged weapons that can out-battle any force in the universe – but ultimately, it sounds like a pretty lonely existence.  Bumblebee and Sam have the closest thing to a relationship in the Transformers movies, and thanks to the Allspark, there is no need for significant others. (Quick tangent:  Instead of a sausage-fest, would an all-male get together of Transformers be called a tail-pipe party?).  Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that when I watch Mr. Bay’s special effects spectacular, I don’t find myself thinking, “Wow, I wish I could do that!”

The Avengers are completely different.  They are all human (with the exception of Thor) so it is incredibly easy to watch and say, “If I was a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist I could be Iron Man!” or, “If I suffered a horrible accident like Dr. Banner, I could be the Hulk!” or, “If I had a black t-shirt, I could be Hawkeye!”  It’s easy, appealing, and exhilarating to project yourself as one of the Avengers, running around on the big screen saving Manhattan (and humanity).

Let’s look at each of the Avengers.  I’ve asked my good friend and protégé Thayer, who knows more about comic books than John Madden knows about onomatopoeias, to boil down and summarize each of Avengers in Joss Whedon’s film.  This is what he came up with:

Tony Stark/Iron Man: Tony Stark is a Bruce Wayne with a sports car color scheme and born without a give a fuck. Remember the funny asshole persona Bruce Wayne only adopts at charity events to throw people off his trail? Tony Stark relishes being rich, a superhero, and the fact that he could show your woman why he is called Iron Man. On top of being a stone cold badass his Iron Man suit can stand toe to toe with any of the Avengers and Loki himself.

Steve Rogers/Captain America: Out of the bunch I find Steve Rogers to be the most charming. It could be his old fashioned good old boy sensibilities or the fact that he is the epitome of weak boys fantasy to one day become a muscular Hercules. Since knocking the teeth out of the Axis powers in WWII he's been on ice and with the Avengers he brings the same natural leadership that he displayed over in Europe. Although he isn't invincible like Superman, Captain is as strong as they come and the peak of human physical perfection and is the natural man to stand up to Loki and his alien army.

Thor: I've loved Thor ever since his debut in Kenneth Braunaugh's blockbuster hit last year. With flight, super strength, invincibility, and a lifetime of training for war he is the heavy hitting commando of the team, even more so in many ways than the Super-Soldier himself. Stopping Loki has a whole other level for Thor and his fish out of water attitude make him a dynamic character for the team. He is also one of the few who can stand toe to toe with the Hulk. Also, while watching the Avengers substitute James Franco and Danny McBride from Your Highness for any scene with just Loki and Thor (trust me).

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:  This is Hulks third go around on the big screen and I think they finally have it right.  Eric Banas was a wimp and while I liked Ed Norton his doucheyness behind the scenes ruined it for me. Hulk is one of the stongest, most badass characters in all of comics and he can wipe the floor with literally anyone.  The beast pretty much cannot be killed either.  The Avengers understand that we don’t want a tortured giant – we want an angry motherfucker.  The war that Loki brings to earth is the perfect stage for that, and the Hulk seems to accept what he is.

Black Widow/Hawkeye:  You have Scarlett Johanssen in too many clothes and a less effeminate Legolas.

Read those summaries again, but this time, substitute your name for all of the characters names.  Don’t you feel awesome? It’s also gender neutral.  Anyone, man or woman, could be Iron Man.  If I dedicated my body and mind to it, I could jump around, dodge arrows, and commandeer enemy flying machines like the Black Widow does.  I’ll never be able to turn my entire arm into a double-bladed energon axe, Optimus Prime-style, and that’s exactly why The Avengers will always be better than Transformers.  

In ten years, my jaw will still drop when Thor drops his hammer, the hair will stand up on the back of my neck when AC/DC starts playing and I see a streak of light, and I’ll still jump out of my seat and pump my fist when Bruce Banner finally shows us his “secret.”  I couldn’t even find anyone to write a summary of Autobots and Decepticons.  So suspend your disbelief for a while, put up with Samuel L. Jackson (who only looked like he was enjoying himself when he was holding a rocket launcher), and imagine that it’s you up on that screen, destroying Loki’s army.  After all, that’s why we watch. 

This isn't 'Nam, there are rules.

Have you ever wondered what other people see in their Facebook News Feed?  Well I am now giving you that chance. As Walter Shobchak once said, however, "this isn't 'Nam, there are rules."

Here are the rules:

1. Everything in this post will come directly from my Facebook News Feed, in the order that I see it.
2. I will only type what my friends have actually posted, with no mention of comments or likes.
3. I will not include pictures, memes, or links.
4. I will include article headlines only when the person posting introduces it.
5. This would be an example of Rule #4:  and the headline would go here.
6. Each status will end as it is punctuated on my page.  No punctuation means I will start a new paragraph.
7. Yes, this is in paragraph form.

These rules are hard and fast, so I will most likely break them.  Here we go!

Start:  Tuesday, May 1. 7:32 PM

Its May Day comrade. Grab a hammer and make yourself a sickle.
So uh, anyone want to loan this guy a snazzy suit jacket for my presentation Thursday? I can repay you with lame jokes, terrible puns and the humor known as my day to day life. Ruining your childhood, one picture at a time. I'm more Metal than you again :)
uh... "The Wookie Melt. Caramelized Banana, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Sweet Cream Cheese, Crispy Battered to a golden Wookie brown. Coated in rich chocolate and peanut butter cake batter and covered with toasted Coconut. Mixed Berry Preserves for dipping." it sounds so disgusting but so good at the same time.It's funny how a melody sounds like a memory ♥
Good to know...?
Fund meals for homeless vets at www.TheVeteransSite.com. Naviocom Hitmen 1-0. +24 run differential .... ;(
Finally flying Old Glory. That's when a house becomes a home. Almost done with writing class. Then I only have to grade a million reading quizzes/homework, and then I'll be done! And then I might die. I believe String Theory still allows me to say 'happy birthday' and be punctual. So happy birthday! Glad you're back. Maybe some Chicago meet ups this summer. Also, has anyone ever told you you've got great initials? Hey like this page i created so I can get an A in my public speaking class!
I could watch u forever....
I hear you're going to Russia. First bit of advice. Endear yourselves to the natives. Music is the universal language, no? This song will help you in any situation. Need directions? Haggling in a market square? Bribing Kremlin guards those hookers were already dead before you arrived? All you need is this dulcet diddy, and you'll be everyone's favorite comrade. Hm, Pottermore may be open to everyone, and I may have registered. Let's see what this is all about. it's 2am, spending my last night at Candela singing karaoke with old and new friends. #Erasmusmemories
hahahahahahaha. If you try all 50 beers at the new bar in Columbus you get a free shirt and your name with a plaque on the wall...challenge accepted. Red Multiple Cups. ‎"Since you will all indubitably be visiting me in New Mexico, here are some of the amazing things we can do! Less than a month away :) "
if i don't get an A in this class because of blackboard, oooh i'mma be fuming. ‎18 more dayys!!! and they have zumba and yoga classes there at jail!?!?! go figure its like a freakin resort!! but with uh bars lol.. Hey Columbus peeps. I'm seeing Real Estate tonight. Can we pretend we were at the same show since its just separate by a day and then we'll be all "Can't believe the show right?" Congratulations to the cast of ONCE and our own Elizabeth A. Davis for her Tony nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Musical. The folks at the Case-Cleveland Play House MFA Acting Program are very proud of you. I'm addicted to that new car smell.
‎"I should run a marathon backwards so I could see what 2nd place look like" Brilliantjust so you know, "Paul Blart; Mall Cop" is even funnier when you can't move off the couch and just took 2 percocet. Just saying lol. I picked mine up today :)
And now a message from Mr. Lebowski to these "occupy" wannabe terrorists "THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!!!!!!!"
The good ole days...Met your gorgeous sister at Phi Mu formal. She is just as wonderful as you.
Speaking of which...COME BACK??? Say something about this...awesome!

‎'Of what use are lens and light
To those who lack in mind and sight?'

I hate people that give off rude looks, if its that big of a deal that Im getting my Wic and it's taking longer than you would like, take your nasty face to a different line. I'm pretty sites there are 19 other lines you can go to. People are so ignorant.  i swear if i get anymore invites to stupid facebook games or requests from stupid facebook games. you will be unfriended im tired of all these damn notifications over stupid shit im never gunna play. so stop sending me shit. please and thanks. I know im not strong enough to be everything that im suppost to be. I give up. Im not strong enough.. ♥ ♥ Dr. Chura! A!!!

If you are going to use the sob story that your "car broke down and you never ask for money but you really need it this time" you better make sure you ask someone that you have not previously asked. Heading to Target-then I have a nice night in my King size bed reading Insurgent on my nook! Aw yeah! ‎Children's Miracle Network Hospitals just followed me on Twitter! Best. Day. Ever.

End:  Tuesday, May 1. 4:36 PM

So, I only linked to fund meals for homeless veterans and a children's hospital.  If I can do that every time I break a rule, the world will be a better place. 

Hope you enjoyed a look at what I get to see everyday. I know I love it. 

An Open Letter to Sasquatch

Dear Mr. Sasquatch

I hope this letter finds you well.  I hope this letter finds you period.

I write this letter to publicly and officially invite you to the World's-Greatest-Memorial-Day-Barbecue-Get-Together.  I want the entire world to know that you are welcome to show up at 498 Meade Circle, in Memphis, TN, anytime between 3pm-10pm on Monday, May 28.

After consulting the experts, I could not determine what food you would actually like to eat, so I am taking my best guess.  I will be providing and grilling all the meat (steaks and pork chops!), as well as corn-on-the-cob.  You are not required to bring anything, but either a light side dish or a small donation would be appreciated. You are also welcome to bring a guest if you wish, just please let me know the number (it's so embarrassing to run out of supplies!)

I do not take it personally that you have continually ignored my previous invitations.  My 21st birthday party, as well as my college graduation party still went well, even though your absence was noticeable.  I learned my lesson after my high school graduation open house not to look forward to your appearance.

I understand that you are a busy and reclusive creature, (and flights from the overgrown Pacific Northwest are so expensive right now!) but your appearance would be greatly appreciated.  It's been so long, no one can even agree on what you actually look like!  Stop hanging around old abandoned construction sights, enjoy a nice bratwurst, and maybe play a game of lawn darts.

I look forward to finally meeting you!

Your friend,

A. Byers

ps. I've been working on several jokes where I inadvertently confuse you with the quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger.  They will be sure to get a few laughs.

10 Reasons Why Tennessee is Better than Ohio (and vice versa)

At softball practice today, one of my girls told me that she really wanted to stick her hand in the pitching machine just to "see what would happen."  The psychoanalyst in me took over, and I foolishly began to explain Freud's concept of the unconscious "death wish" that exists in all humans. Of course, the 14-year-old did not understand and informed me that the real reason she wouldn't do it was because she didn't want to mess up her nails.  So on my ride home, as I was thinking about death and sad things, my thoughts inevitably drifted to Cleveland.  While the "Mistake by the Lake" faces many hardships, I still love the city and am proud to call it my home. 

I have almost spent a full calendar year living in Memphis, Tennessee.  By all accounts, I have greatly enjoyed my time here.  I have met many ambitious, hard-working people, made life-long friends, and even made my first-ever car payment in the last twelve months.  I've enjoyed local bands, the region's famous food, and have successfully avoided Tennessee law enforcement.  I wouldn't consider it a stretch to say that I've got my finger on the pulse of Memphis.  It's a great city, but is living in Tennessee better than living in Ohio? Let's hash out the ten most important things when it comes to deciding state superiority, and decide once and for all. 

#10. State Taxes. 

Tennessee wins this one easily:  there's really nothing to even say.  No state income tax? Be still my heart.  That just leaves more money in my pocket for indulging in the rest of the items on this list. Winner: Tennessee. 

#9. Roads

Again, a category as unfair as the Bowl Championship Series.  Most of Ohio has to suffer through long icy winters, and tons of salt has to be used on the roads, destroying the asphalt and ruining dreams of snow days everywhere.  Tennessee suffers nothing of the like, is mostly devoid of potholes, and has higher speed limits to boot. 

Winner: Tennessee. 

#8. Geography

Here's where it gets interesting. Both states have mountains on the far side (read: the side I don't live on) of the state.  Both states have a capital city in the center of the state. Both states are suffering economically. Both states are bordered by famous rivers. Both states depend primarily on agriculture.  Both have three major cities, and then several other cities that have just become overgrown pit stops with some hotels.  Just about everything in this category is a tie, except for one thing:  Lake Erie.  For everything that Tennessee can boast, it just can't compete to being out on a boat and looking at Cleveland's skyline. 

Winner: Ohio

#7. People Watching

Everyone's favorite hobby that they never want to talk about.  I feel like I could write an entire blog post about the psychological gratification of people watching, but that's for another time.  Obviously, the best places to people watch are barbecues, tailgates, fairs, and festivals (basically, any place where you would find yourself holding a red solo cup). Memphis runs away with each of those categories:  not to mention Beale Street at all.  From Raiford and Paula's Disco, to Wild Bill's, to Crawfish Festivals, Memphis provides all types of opportunities to observe people that don't care if you're watching them (and they're the best kind).  Ohio has the trump card though, and that is Cedar Point.  People at Cedar Point care only about one thing: riding roller coasters.  Everyone puts aside their differences to be raised up at a 45 degree angle and dropped at speeds in excess of 80 mph.  It's the ultimate people watching experience. 

Winner: Ohio

#6. Cell Phone Reception

Nothing is more frustrating then trying to send that perfectly witty text to a friend (that you know will make them laugh, and you'll look like a comedic genius)... only to find that you don't have any reception.  You end up holding the phone above your head, waving it around like a crazed person, hoping that some stray tower will notice your plight.  It's a rough situation to be in.  However, both Tennessee and Ohio, for the most part, have taken a stand against this tyranny, and I've been able to get reception anywhere, with one exception in each state.  In Tennessee, the Smoky Mountains offer only frustration and anguish when you are desperately pleading with your iphone to "send." In the Buckeye state, it's when you're on the beaches of Lake Erie that you'll be cut off from the rest of the world.  Both deadspots seem totally forgivable when you consider the relaxation they provide, so this one end up being a draw. 

Winner: Tie

#5. Food

In this corner, hailing from Eastern Europe, now a staple in all Cleveland diets: The Pierogi! (this link is for all you Tennessee friends who don't know what I'm talking about).

...and in this corner, fresh from the smoker, dry-never-wet, Memphis style Ribs! (this link is for Ron Swanson). 

Both Ohio and Tennessee have tremendous food. Ohio leans heavy on the ethnic food, but also boasts great American cuisine at restaurants like Melt and Michael Symon's Lola.  Tennessee however, has more barbecue than even Brady Hoke could eat.  With too many BBQ places to count, Memphis also offers the life-changing experience that is Gus's Fried Chicken.  Cleveland's Great Lakes Brewery is head and shoulders above Memphis's Ghost River Brewery, but Memphis also has much better sweet tea. The deciding factor ends up being which state has more Cracker Barrels. 

One thing is for sure:  You won't go hungry in either place. 

Winner: Tennessee

#4. Music

Cleveland puts up a valiant fight, boasting the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame and talented artists such as Kid Cudi, Machine Gun Kelly, and Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, but this was never even a contest.  I can't even begin to describe the importance of music in here in the Bluff City.  Memphis wins this one like Tiger Woods pre-meltdown.  If you've been to Memphis, then you know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't been to Memphis, shame on you. 

Winner: Tennesee

#3. Weather

Before we debate the weather between these two states, it needs to be said that the mosquitos in Tennessee are terrible.  Just terrible.  I'm not even sure that this should go in this section, but it needs to be known.  It's too egregious to just ignore.  On a related note, Tennessee's weather is incredibly nice. There is the mild winter, the absolutely gorgeous fall and spring, and while the summer has the sweltering heat and humidity going on, you can always find ways to cool down.  Ohio, on the other hand, has what we call diversity.  (No, Ron Burgundy, not the old wooden ship Diversity).  30 degrees one day, 75 degrees the next. Snow. Cloud Cover. Sun. Hail. Bearable summers. Crisp autumns. Agonizing winters. Wet springs. Dress in Layers! 

Winner: Ohio

#2. Distance from Michigan

Tennessee is farther away from Michigan than Ohio. 

Winner: Tennessee

#1. Sports Teams 

First things first:  there is no way that I can even pretend that Ohio won't win this category.  Tennessee has the SEC and the city of Memphis is much more attached to its basketball than any Ohio city, but overall, it doesn't come close to Ohio's sports passion.  No fan base is as loyal at Cleveland's (based on total years with no championships). No college fan base is larger that Ohio State's (based on my personal opinion).  The sports section in the Plain Dealer is twice as large as the same section in the Commercial Appeal (yes, Ohio friends, that's the name of our newspaper). As tortured as Cleveland fans are, they are the best in the world. 

That brings the final score to 4-5-1 in favor of Tennessee.  Ohio may have come up short, but Woody Hayes went 4-5-1 against Bo Schembechler, so I'm okay with that.   

Thanks for reading. 

This post was written while listening to Woody Guthrie.  

First Post

Well, I've finally grown desperate enough for a creative outlet that I have decided to write a blog for myself.  That's the thing about this blog, and I'll be right up front about it:  this blog is for me.  As a twenty-three year old schoolteacher, living in a city 760 miles away from home base, with two roommates, no family, and no girlfriend, I've found myself with an inordinate amount of time to myself.  During this time, I've steadfastly honed my reflection skills and spent (way too) many hours thinking about life, the universe, and everything, as they say.  Occasionally, I think about something that I consider to be profound, having some effect on my life in either an overt or obscure way.  These are the things that I want to write down.  In 1850, antebellum Memphis, Tennessee, maybe I would have kept a diary, or journal.  In this lightning-quick-social-media-driven-day-and-age, however, I feel compelled to write these thoughts down in a blog, where anyone could read them whenever they wanted, except for Michigan fans, who probably still use AOL.

A couple of things:

1. I reserve the right to change my mind on anything that I write about at any time:  after a year, a month, an hour, the next post, the same post, or even the same paragraph (although, as I tell my students, when you change an idea, you need to change paragraphs, so we'll see).  I'm still in my early 20's, and forming my opinion of the world:  please be flexible.

2. I will make excessive/inappropriate use of the semicolon:  please adapt.

3. In the spirit of Bill Simmons, I will not be ashamed to let my love of the Cleveland sports teams shine through in my blog, even though I now live in a different (and beautiful) state. Slights against Pittsburgh and Michigan may happen as well as a tiny bit of complaining about Cleveland and sports luck.

4. I have no idea what I actually want this blog to be about, I just know I need to write again. It's kinda like in the movie "Homeward Bound," Shadow knows that he needs to lead Michael J. Fox and Julia Louis-Dreyfus over the mountains to get home to Peter, but he doesn't know "why," and he has certainly no idea what will happen.

So as I embark on this journey home, I look forward (cue extended metaphor music) to Sassy getting washed over a waterfall, Chance getting hit by a porcupine tale, Shadow falling in a giant pit, and (spoiler alert!) everyone surviving.

thank you for reading

(and hopefully having watched Homeward Bound at some point).